ezra boy,
you are 8 months! and we love you, so much. you have become so much more of a person that we can relate to, with your adorable expressions, blabberings and chatter. there are countless times we chuckle at your antics or are left in awe by how you progress and grow. we thank God for you.
this past month, once again, has flown by. and POW! there you are again, doing new stunts. you do push-ups, like a true soldier boy.... climbing over pillows, people and things like in S.O.C (standard obstacle course). and to get what you want, you are able to pull yourself up the sofa to stand by yourself. you are such an active boy. regretfully, there are so few pictures we can take of you... simply because you do not stop moving. most of the camera pictures turn out like this :/
you have also learnt to express yourself with babblings and gurglings... quite sometime back in fact, you have learnt to go "mama" when frustrated and looking for me. of course, we are not sure if you specifically mean me (and we will never know...) .. but yes darling, when you call mama, i will come to you.
to our surprise, you have learnt to sign "please" when you want to be carried... though we are not sure if that is really what you mean. wow! its amazing how you pick up things. for many many months, you have always fussed and resisted us when we put your hands together to teach you to pray. now, you quietly wait, as though you have learnt. when mama puts her left hand in front of you and say "high-five!", you respond by slapping your hand on hers. it's so thrilling and rewarding as we see how you learn to communicate :)
sadly, you don't smile so much anymore... you are too busy! the world has just too many things for you to see, and there's just too many things for you to explore. your sunny smile has reduced to a shy, smug, smirk...
there are worries and difficulties as well. some days you want to devour everything, while other days, mealtimes just seem like a battle field. may God give us the wisdom to understand you and take care of you! there are also worries about your weight, which pales in comparison to your counterparts... milk supply.... naps....etc.
it's not easy. looking back, it's so difficult. my dear son, mama will be frank and tell you that if not for God who gives the calling, she would have wanted to give up long ago.
have you ever felt the dread of having to do something or go through something that you really don't want to do? that's what mama has faced, more than ever.. especially in a time like this when papa is so busy at work and there is an impending work trip he has to go on. i am tired, exhausted and the days ahead seem long and tough. what to do in such a time? run away? take a break? get someone else to do the job? i know these are not my options because God has His purpose and He has meant for me to face it, and only me, for these circumstances are mapped out for me.
this feeling is all too familiar. perhaps when younger, it is just before the major exams. or when papa and i struggled in our courtship days... or when faced with piles and piles of marking from my previous job. the dread...the fear.. the reluctance..... when going through it, the trial seems to last for eternity and my store of endurance appears to be utterly drained. but now, as i look back on them, my heart is filled with gladness and thankfulness for through all these, God has proven Himself faithful and All The Way Our Saviour Leads Us.
so when papa does not come home, or i am required to bear the burden of care-giving, house-keeping, loneliness... (i type this down to remind myself)... it is but for a season, and when we are tried and purified, we shall come forth as gold...
it warms my heart the most when i see how you crawl earnestly to papa the moment he opens the door and says "hello!". Papa carrying you, playing with you, admonishing you.... these are the times i cherish the most and remind me that... it is really worthwhile.