22

papa, whom i love

the pp is away

and so, the 22 nights start.. 

will it be 22 nights of self-pity, despair and fear, or will it be 22 nights of hoping in God, trusting Him to provide all i need, and a heart fonder?

God-willing, it is the latter, and not the earlier, much as the temptation is strong. 

while the burdens to bear are greater with the little boy around, it also means i have a companion and an excellent reminder of PP :) 

22 days of "hopeful recollection" (coined by PP) start here :)

8 months

ezra boy, 

you are 8 months! and we love you, so much. you have become so much more of a person that we can relate to, with your adorable expressions, blabberings and chatter. there are countless times we chuckle at your antics or are left in awe by how you progress and grow. we thank God for you.

this past month, once again, has flown by. and POW! there you are again, doing new stunts. you do push-ups, like a true soldier boy.... climbing over pillows, people and things like in S.O.C (standard obstacle course). and to get what you want, you are able to pull yourself up the sofa to stand by yourself. you are such an active boy. regretfully, there are so few pictures we can take of you... simply because you do not stop moving. most of the camera pictures turn out like this :/

you have also learnt to express yourself with babblings and gurglings... quite sometime back in fact, you have learnt to go "mama" when frustrated and looking for me. of course, we are not sure if you specifically mean me (and we will never know...) .. but yes darling, when you call mama, i will come to you. 

to our surprise, you have learnt to sign "please" when you want to be carried... though we are not sure if that is really what you mean. wow! its amazing how you pick up things. for many many months, you have always fussed and resisted us when we put your hands together to teach you to pray. now, you quietly wait, as though you have learnt. when mama puts her left hand in front of you and say "high-five!", you respond by slapping your hand on hers. it's so thrilling and rewarding as we see how you learn to communicate :)

sadly, you don't smile so much anymore... you are too busy! the world has just too many things for you to see, and there's just too many things for you to explore. your sunny smile has reduced to a shy, smug, smirk... 

there are worries and difficulties as well. some days you want to devour everything, while other days, mealtimes just seem like a battle field. may God give us the wisdom to understand you and take care of you! there are also worries about your weight, which pales in comparison to your counterparts... milk supply.... naps....etc. 

it's not easy. looking back, it's so difficult. my dear son, mama will be frank and tell you that if not for God who gives the calling, she would have wanted to give up long ago. 

have you ever felt the dread of having to do something or go through something that you really don't want to do? that's what mama has faced, more than ever.. especially in a time like this when papa is so busy at work and there is an impending work trip he has to go on. i am tired, exhausted and the days ahead seem long and tough. what to do in such a time? run away? take a break? get someone else to do the job? i know these are not my options because God has His purpose and He has meant for me to face it, and only me, for these circumstances are mapped out for me. 

this feeling is all too familiar. perhaps when younger, it is just before the major exams. or when papa and i struggled in our courtship days... or when faced with piles and piles of marking from my previous job. the dread...the fear.. the reluctance..... when going through it, the trial seems to last for eternity and my store of endurance appears to be utterly drained. but now, as i look back on them, my heart is filled with gladness and thankfulness for through all these, God has proven Himself faithful and All The Way Our Saviour Leads Us. 

so when papa does not come home, or i am required to bear the burden of care-giving, house-keeping, loneliness... (i type this down to remind myself)... it is but for a season, and when we are tried and purified, we shall come forth as gold... 

it warms my heart the most when i see how you crawl earnestly to papa the moment he opens the door and says "hello!". Papa carrying you, playing with you, admonishing you.... these are the times i cherish the most and remind me that... it is really worthwhile. 

<3 socks

dear ezra, 

there may come a day when you look back at all these photos that we have taken of you, and as you look closer at the photo above, you may start to question mummy's taste in socks and why she chose those with heart-shaped patterns. 

let me tell you...

that you are very much adored and loved by the kor kors and jie jies in church. this pair of socks, in particular, is given by jie jie chern, who tenderly thought of you and decided to share a bit of her own with you. and you seem to like it :)

she is not the only one. there is jie jie en-si who gives you an affectionate pat on the head when she sees you and got down on her knees many times to play with you. then there is kor kor abel and kor kor asher who exclaim, "baby ezra!" to welcome you the moment they see you. kor kor en-yi suddenly seemed a lot older when he plays ball with you. and there is kor kor titus, who is very much intrigued with you and can't stop commenting about you :) ("he looks like a doll", "why does he keep chewing his toes?", "when can he start to walk?").

there's also kor kor luke, who shows a special interest in your age. ("how old is he? when he's xx years old, i'll b xx years old!") and not forgetting kor kor timmy, which wrote in a card for you, that he was praying for your health.

thank God for these children in church who tenderly and unreservedly show their affection and befriend E. these are probably the boys and girls he will look up to as examples, and my heart is warmed to think about that :)

7 months

ezra boy,

you are seven months old!

one thing im exceptionally thankful for, is your smile. you smile when we make eye contact with you, you smile when we carry you, you smile when we talk to you, you smile when you see someone familiar, you smile when we ask you to, you smile when we point the camera at you.... you just smile soooo much and it is very contagious! after starting you on semi-solids, there were points of time when you seemed to experience some tummy discomfort and seem grouchy and fussy most of the time. it was then that we realised how we missed your smile and how we have taken it for granted. oh, do keep smiling my dear! you are the sunshine in our lives :)

 

we are thankful that you generally take your solids well. to this day, you have tried broccoli (makes you fart), pumpkin (you like but we don't, but pretend to), spinach (like!), apple (not so much), banana (gave you constipation), and pear (like it with rice cereal). yet, how come you are still waking up at night???

this has been an incredible month for you and us! you just reach your milestones in a blink of an eye, leaving us to wonder, when did he ever learn to do that?! you were so adept at rolling, then you decided it was too cumbersome and decided to pick up crawling instead. of course, not on your knees yet, but somehow, you manage to drag yourself to get to places. it was during times like this we witnessed your determination (stubbornness) and how you simply will not relent in getting what you want. 

den, two front teeth on your bottom gums sprouted out all of a sudden, catching us by surprise, but leaving us very excited too! it must be rather itchy and uncomfortable for you, since you are gnawing at everything and there was one night when you had a fever for no particular reason. we are amused to see how you try to get acquainted with them. sometimes you chomp on your fingers forgetting they are there, and then wail in pain.

can you get any cuter? your squirrel cheeks, toothy grin and sprightly nature melt our hearts countless times :)

thank God particularly for sustaining your health and keeping you free from illnesses. of course, we are concerned that you don't seem to gain as much weight as you should :( but day by day, we just do our best, and commit the rest to God. 

just one thing i would like to highlight to you, my son. a recent BS put this thought into my head, and has changed my perspective about teaching you. i used to think that my example could be sufficient in leading you to the ways of God.. but i realised that there is so much more i can do. i would like to regard the time i have with you as borrowed time, and as the seconds tick by, so does my influence diminish. it is tempting to assume that you are still so young, and there is little you understand, but we hope to start, as parents called by God, to instruct you and teach you as best as we can. may we grow together as a family, in His grace and knowledge :)

like every month, i say again, oh please slow down! you probably can't, and so, we just treasure every moment with you.. every smile, every sleeping face, every cheeky grin, every awkward sleeping posture, every tug of my hair.... moments you make our loved ones smile, moments when you go dizzy with excitement and all four limbs flail in excitement.....

:) we are truly blessed to have you.